Shakespearean Insults

Zev McManus

After researching Shakespearean insults for our insult battle in Mrs. Rodem’s class, I was impressed by how easily one could get away with obscene and inappropriate language simply by quoting Shakespeare. In the chart below, I collected my favorite insults, along with a modern-day translation. Some of these insults may make certain people uncomfortable, so you may not want to read this if you’re easily offended. There is profanity, but please don’t get mad, as I am just quoting Shakspere. Feel free to comment with insults of your own.

Insult	Where it’s from	Meaning/Translation
“A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.”	All’s Well That Ends Well (Act 3, Scene 6)	You are a coward, a liar; you break your promises and don’t have a single good quality.
“I must tell you friendly in your ear, sell when you can, you are not for all markets.”	As You Like It (Act 3 Scene 5)	I hate to tell you, but grab the first partner you can; you’re not particularly attractive.
“I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.”	Timon of Athens (Act 4, Scene 3)	I would hit you, but it would infect my hands.
“That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?”	Henry IV Part 1 (Act 2, Scene 4)	Do you mean that moody, obese glutton, that old sinner,  that father of all scoundrels!
“Thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows “	Troilus and Cressida (Act 2, Scene 1)	You’re stupid. I have more brain in my elbows than you have in your head.
No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip. She is spherical, like a globe. I could find out countries in her.	The Comedy of Errors (Act 3, Scene 2)	She is super fat, so fat that she is shaped like a globe. She is wider than she is tall.
“You are as a candle, the better burnt out.”	Henry IV Part 2 (Act 1, Scene 2)	The world would be better without you.
Your abilities are too infant-like for doing much alone.	Coriolanus (Act 2, Scene 1)	You are like a baby; you can’t do anything on your own.
If you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt.	Two Gentlemen of Verona (Act 2, Scene 4)	I am much smarter and wittier than you.
Thou whoreson zed, thou unnecessary letter!	King Lear (Act 2, Scene 2)	You are like the letter Z, completely useless.
I do desire that we may be better strangers.	As You Like It (Act 3, Scene 2)	I don’t want to know you
Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood.	King Lear (Act 2, Scene 4)	You are like a plague in my life.
Thou art a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver’d, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch.	King Lear (Act 2, Scene 2)	You are a low, cowardly, flattering, self-serving, arrogant jerk.
Less witty insults
-Villain, I have done thy mother.  -Away, you three-inch fool! -What an ass! -What a thrice-double ass!	-Titus Andronicus (Act 4, Scene 2)  -The Taming of the Shrew (Act 4, Scene 1) -Hamlet (Act 2, Scene 2) -The Tempest (Act 5, Scene 1)	-I slept with your mom -Go away you tiny penis fool. -What a donkey -What a bunch of donkey